Pressure !

It may feel like there’s a lot of pressure out there to ‘get on with it’ and have sex for the first time……..from things your mates say, articles in magazines going on about ‘the best position’, lyrics in songs and a partner who is eager to ‘get it on’ !  You might begin to feel like everybody is doing it, accept you, and you don’t want to be the odd one out.

Is Everybody Doing It ?        

No !!  Research shows some young people do have sex before they are 16, BUT most young people WAIT until AFTER they are 16 to start a sexual relationship, so you can bet a lot of the people at school and your friends who are saying they’ve ‘done it’ are just making it up to try and brag !!

Many young people decide to wait to have sex for the first time because they want to make sure the first time is a good time !!  After all, who wants their first time to be a complete let down and something you regret ?

How Will I Know When I’m Ready ?

Although the legal age for sexual intercourse is 16, being ready to have sex happens at different times for everybody, there is no ‘normal’ or ‘right’ time to do it !  Deciding when you’re ready to have sex for the first time is really important, and only you will know when the time is right, and only you should make that important decision !  

Doing it because you think everyone else is, or because your partner is pushing you into it will probably mean it’s disappointing and you’ll regret it later.

Here are some of the things that might help you to know if you’re ready:

• You know each other really well
• You have fun with each other doing other things as well, and your partner treats you with respect

• You can talk to your partner about having sex, how you would like it to be and whether you will tell any one else afterwards

• You understand the risks of pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Infection’s, and have agreed with your partner about using Condoms and Contraception

• You feel you could still say no if you wanted to.
  

Take It Slow !

There's no rush !  Thinking about having sex is a normal part of growing up and going through puberty.  Your hormones are racing around, your body is changing and your emotions and feelings of sexual attraction are all developing,  but that doesn't mean you have to rush into anything.  

If you're thinking about having sex it's a good idea to take things slowly so that you and your partner can get to know eachother well, understand eachother's bodies and talk about what both of you want from a sexual relationship.  It sure will help to make your first sexual experiences positive one's that you'll actually want to remember !

And rememeber, NEVER DO ANYTHING YOU'RE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH !!

Talk It Over

If you are thinking about having sex for the first time then it’s really helpful to talk it over first with someone who can listen to how you are feeling, and give you support.  It’s really important to be able to talk to your partner about having sex, but it might also help you to talk to someone else, such as:

• An adult you trust, could be a Parent, Aunt, Cousin or someone else who knows you well
• School Nurse – many school nurses run Open Door Sessions, and they can offer Confidential support, won’t be judgemental and can help you think about if you’re ready.
• CASH Services – if you would rather talk to someone in a service, they will be able to support you with your contraception needs.
• Young People’s Drop-Ins – will be able to discuss with you being ready for sex, and support you to make the decision when the time is right for you.
• National Websites/Helplines – there are really good free and confidential phone lines where you can talk to someone who’s totally used to discussing this stuff with young people, and will be able to point you in all the right directions !

Dutch Courage or Just a Big Blur ?!

Many young people say they use alcohol or drugs to give them the extra confidence to flirt, snog or even to have sex.  BUT research shows that alot of young people who have sex for the first time when they are drunk or have taken drugs say they regret it afterwards, were less likely to have used any contraception and some wished it had never happened.

A small amount of Alcohol can make you feel more confident, and make it easier to chat to someone we've fancied for ages, but too much drink often means you stop making decisions about what you're gonna do next, and things just happen !!  It's really difficult to know that you're making the right choice when you're off your face, and waking up the next morning not sure if you had sex, who saw you or even who you were with is not a great place to be !!

Make sure if you're drinking or taking drugs that you are with friends who will keep an eye on you, and who won't leave without telling you.  Don't get so off your face that you loose sight of who you really are, and end up doing something that you might regret later...... REMEMBER YOU CAN'T REWIND THE NIGHT IF IT DOESN'T GO TO PLAN !!

You Don’t Have to Keep Doing It !

Just because you’ve lost your virginity and had sex, doesn’t mean that you have to keep doing it !

If after having sex you feel like you weren’t ready, or that it was disappointing you can stop, take a break and think carefully about how you want it to be the next time.